How not to panic about your year abroad

Beth shares her tips on being prepared so that you can enjoy your time abroad rather than being worried about the uncertainties.

- Beth

Every time you mention your year abroad to your friends or family, the chances are you are given an abundance of advice on what to do when you get there. But what about what to do in the run-up to the big event? If you’re anything like me, the thought of your year abroad both excites and terrifies you. You can’t wait but you also don’t want it to come so soon. So, what’s the best way to prepare for it without letting nerves suck the fun out of it?

1. Give yourself the time and space to think about it

There’s no doubt that there are plenty of things to think about before you leave, such as money and accommodation, but it’s important to not let it swallow you whole. Keep it ticking away in the back of your mind but don’t allow yourself to dwell on it if you are feeling particularly stressed or worked up. Wait until you feel calmer. Chipping away at it over the span of several months will lessen the load when it actually comes to getting on the plane. 

On the other hand, it’s also extremely important to not let it intimidate you so much that you put off thinking about it until the very last minute! Get cracking as soon as possible.

2. Talk to people

People who have been in the same situation as you are your best resource. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice from anyone and everyone who could be even remotely useful to you. Friends, family and coursemates who have been abroad for a significant length of time will happily chat to you about it – everyone loves talking about themselves and their ‘gap yah’! Another great resource is the Foreign and Commonwealth’s website as well, particularly specific advice that applies to the country you are going to.

3. Visualise it

It can be easy to worry about your year abroad to the point of not being excited anymore but fight this feeling as much as you can! A great way to keep your morale up is to print off your favourite picture of the place you’re going to and stick it on your wall so that you’re always reminded of why you’re going. If you want to take this idea further, take some sticky notes and write all the reasons you chose to go and stick them next to the picture. When you get stressed or anxious, you can just look up at the picture and calm yourself down.

4. Research, research, research

There is no avoiding the stress that comes with having to find accommodation for a whole year in a short amount of time, but there are definitely ways to minimise it! If you know exactly where you’ll be based, such as the office or school you’ll be working in, then research all the different accommodation options that country has to offer you. As well as finding out how much a typical rent is, it is also worth researching whether that country has a specific student house sharing system in place. If you’re not sure, get in contact with your year abroad advisor at your university and ask them.

Furthermore, don’t just stop at researching accommodation. As soon as you find out your position, whether it be student, employee or language assistant, make sure you know the ins and outs of what will be expected of you so that you’re as prepared as possible.

5. Sort out the important stuff

Although it is not exactly exhilarating, nothing is more important than sorting out insurance for your year abroad. Once it is out of the way, you can forget about it and start thinking about the more exciting parts. A great help is that if you’re staying within the EU and Switzerland, you can get a free European Health Insurance Card. It can also be easy to forget to check the validity on your passport, so make sure you tick that off your checklist!

6. Start shopping!

As well as using retail therapy to de-stress, it may be necessary to shop for practical purposes (or at least that’s what you’ll tell your mum). If you’re going somewhere colder than home, go on a shopping spree. If you’re going somewhere warmer than home, go on a shopping spree. Either way, treat yo self!

7. Plan your visits home

Even if you don’t want to admit it, there will come a time when you will get homesick. If you already know this is likely to be you then start planning your visits home and how you will stay in touch. A great way to beat homesickness is to countdown the days until you can next see or talk to your family. Start off with Christmas, then Easter and then the summer holidays. That way you know you won’t be away from home for too long at a time and can focus on having the time of your life while you’re away.

I'm Beth and I am a second-year Comparative Literature and French student at the University of Kent. I'm about to embark on my year abroad in September and want to share some tips on how I'm preparing for it.

Talking About Bereavement

Emily writes about bereveament and the impact its intrinsic links with mental health and wellbeing.

- Emily Maybanks

Earlier this year, I was featured in a BBC News article (and a Wales Online article) about the importance of talking about death and dying. Yes, this is a pretty morbid topic. I was speaking to the media on behalf of the hospice charity ‘Sue Ryder’. My Dad was cared for in their Duchess of Kent Hospice in Reading at the end of his life six years ago. The charity was calling to end the taboo surrounding speaking about death. Death is something that inevitably affects us all and not talking about it – in a very similar way that not talking about mental health leads to this too – makes it awkward. 

Bereavement and mental health can be linked. A traumatic life event such as bereavement can trigger mental health difficulties. This is certainly the case in my life and with my experiences. After my Dad passed away in 2012, during my final year of A Levels, it honestly felt as though my life would never be the same as it was before. This was difficult for me to accept. After my Dad died, I was diagnosed with depression and I’ve struggled on and off with depression and anxiety ever since. 

Losing my Dad shapes everything I do in my life. Everything from choosing to go to University, to studying abroad, to writing for and being an editor for the students’ newspaper at University – every choice I make, I wonder what my Dad would say, or how he would feel. Sometimes, this doesn’t help my emotional health at all. Other times, it’s comforting to think that he might be proud of me. One of the things that I have learnt over the past six years is that the pain of losing someone never quite goes away. Yes, it gets easier to deal with, but it never completely vanishes and it is wrong to expect it to. The thought of graduating this summer without my Dad watching me is heart breaking. Every Birthday, Father’s Day, Christmas and anniversary, I miss him so much it hurts. 

Talking about it and being open about how I feel about my Dad’s death is something that I struggled with enormously at first. Once I came to University, I met people who had been through similar things and I felt more comfortable to talk about my own experiences of bereavement. I have also found that talking about bereavement is helpful in helping me to deal with my own emotions and it feels less and less awkward when I do talk about it.  

If you would like to get involved with our Men's Mental Health blogging series, then you can find all of the details here. You can also send us an email at blog@studentminds.org.uk for more details!

My name is Emily (Em). I am currently in my final year studying Modern Languages, Translation & Interpreting at Swansea University, where I'm also the Creative Writing Section Editor and Deputy Editor for The Waterfront - Swansea's student newspaper. I wanted to write for Student Minds because I have experienced depression and anxiety as well as other health issues, and I support friends who have also experienced mental health difficulties. I am also a passionate writer and writing has been important in my mental health experiences - both in helping me to cope with my mental health, as well as sharing my story in order to help others. 

ED and PhD

Paula discusses the impact of studying towards a PhD on ED recovery and how it can be possible to work towards both.

-Paula

You struggle every single day, you might feel constantly overwhelmed, confused and lost. It can seem that nobody around you understands what you’re going through. You have some smaller and bigger successes, but more often you fail. These are the signs of recovering from an eating disorder. Or doing a PhD. And even though their consequential issues seem so similar, they often don’t go together too well.

You might have successfully gotten through high school and college while battling an eating disorder. You’re still recovering and you think that you can keep working on your health while doing a PhD. Should you? Or rather, why should you NOT?

You might be surprised how big a role food plays in academia. Seminars often mean wine and cheese receptions or at least coffee and pastries. Your collaborator invites you for a lunch to discuss a new idea. Finally, you attend a conference and you eat weird food in weird times and places. No “safe” options- nobody cares that pizza freaks you out or that you don’t eat after 8pm.

In principle, there’s always an option of avoiding it, such as going to a seminar and skipping the pastry or travelling to a conference with a bag of your favourite “safe” food. This worked in college, didn’t it? Trust me, it would be definitely noticed in academia. Food is a social activity and its quality or nutritional values really don’t matter.

Let’s say you somehow overcome the difficulties connected to the frequent presence of food in academia. The problem is, you’ll still be constantly thinking about it. Analysing how much you’ve eaten and if you can allow yourself one more sandwich. Coming up with a sneaky plan to skip a conference session and go for a run. See what’s happening here? You’re supposed to be thinking about Maths/Biology/History/whatever your PhD is in. And yet, instead of listening to the keynote speaker, you’re analysing and reanalysing the nutritional value of your past and future meals.

If you did your undergraduate degree in the UK, you’re probably used to constant support: personal tutors, hall wardens etc. You knew that if you struggled, they’d be there for you. That someone will get concerned if you lose too much weight. That they’ll make sure you’re ok.

PhD is a different story. If you’re lucky (like I am), you may have a supervisor who notices warning signs and asks how you’re doing. However, in many cases advisers treat their students as paper-producing machines. They discuss with them only academic issues, the personal life doesn’t matter as long as they provide results. I’m not claiming that academics are heartless creatures, but in reality all researchers are extremely busy and most of them simply don’t have time to babysit their students.

Am I saying that if you have an eating disorder you should forget about your PhD dreams? Absolutely not! My only advice is to time it carefully. If you’re currently interested in doing a PhD, I strongly advise you to discuss it with your treatment team. Maybe in your particular case entering grad school would be actually a good idea, who knows. The abovementioned difficulties in juggling research with eating problems could even motivate you to recover for good.

If you do decide to start a PhD while recovering from an ED, ensure that:

• You get regular meetings with your treatment team, which means that if you’re moving miles away, you may need to schedule regular trips home, arrange Skype meetings or even consider a new team, if all other options aren’t possible.

• Someone (not yourself!) is checking your weight.

• You have social life, so you need to plan to meet new friends in grad school. This could be through societies, student accommodation or a research group.

• You are familiar with the support system of your university. This may include counselling services, departmental welfare officers or a caring supervisor.

• You and your team are SURE you’re ready.

PhD and ED recovery can go together. However, they both require time and determination- the more you focus on your own health now, the faster the recovery process will be. That’s why I recommend that you think about your options carefully, because entering grad school healthy ultimately increases the likelihood that you will have a better experience.

No matter if you choose to do your PhD now or wait until you’re healthier, be sure to make the most of it. Good luck!

Hi! I'm Paula, a PhD Maths student. I'd like to share my thoughts about mental health in graduate school.

3 Reasons Why We Say "I'm Fine" When We're Not

Grace discusses the importance of being open about our mental health with those close to us.

-Grace

When one replies with the phrase “I’m fine”, it’s undoubtedly one of the biggest (white) lies ever spoken – probably somewhere up there with “I have read the terms and conditions” and “there are sexy singles in your area”.

So, let’s be honest. How many times have you been guilty of saying “I’m fine” when really you’re not? A few? Quite often? Too many times to count? In fact, a survey of 2000 adults commissioned by the Mental Health Foundation (MHF) found the average adult will say “I’m fine” 14 times a week, although just 19% actually mean it. 

So why do we feel this need to falsify that all is dandy, rather than just admitting we have a problem? What impact does this non-committal exchange have on our mental wellbeing and what can we do about it? For this, I propose three theories.

Theory 1: They’re just being polite.

The simple exchange initiated by asking “how are you?” is ritualistic; a social norm learned from a young age, whereby violating it is like prolonged eye-contact while eating a banana – you just don’t do it. It’s an automatic script of sorts, whereby we’ve rehearsed our parts so well, we’re basically Meryl Streep.

While acting out this well-mannered illusion of checking in on one another, we’re actually gaining as much insight into each other’s state of mind as simply saying “hello.” Unsurprisingly, such superficial – almost-reflexive – questioning and answering means we’re less likely to speak openly and honestly about our mental health, since it is implicit that the other person isn’t actually intent on finding out (or perhaps prepared for) a real answer.

Now, of course saying “I’m fine” can just be convenient. We liberally douse this phrase on one another, especially in lectures or in the library. I guess we must choose our moments with those with whom we can allow our conversations to become more substantive. By returning meaning behind our words, we can seize vital opportunities to both seek and offer support.

Theory 2: You’ve got this! (You really haven’t got this)

My wonderful Grandma says “you can either sink or swim… and I choose to swim”. Whilst there’s something impressive about a person who adamantly solves their own problems, I think we’re fooled by the misconception that if self-reliance is a virtue and that requiring help is a weakness. So, we present a “brave face”. We hide our vulnerabilities. We act like dogs that get stuck in things but pretend everything is ok. We precipitate a culture whereby we won’t discuss our own mental health for fear of judgement.

“Am I the only one who feels this way?” Such self-doubt clouds the reality that we often have common struggles. When I first acknowledged I was struggling with my mental health with my uni personal supervisor, it kind of felt like that moment when someone asks the question in class you thought was too stupid to say out loud. Suddenly you realise you’re not alone, and the question wasn’t silly at all.

Those asking for support are incredibly brave. But sometimes you can’t quite initiate this first step alone. It was after noticing I fell off the uni treadmill following traumatic events that a friend first contacted my personal supervisor on my behalf. Sometimes it’s not “sink or swim”; sometimes you need a lifeboat and she was just that.

Theory 3: We don’t want to burden others

The phrase “I’m fine” can also act as the conversational equivalent of Crocs; swiftly able to shut down any chance of further discussion. Quite often, this defensive action results from a fear of worrying, burdening, or annoying the listener.

Personally, by insisting “I’m fine”, I force myself to be the person I, and others, expect me to be (I’d LIKE to think humorous and enthusiastic…). However, simulating these qualities and engaging in societies whilst depressed is gruelling – sometimes I’d rather just hide away. Exhaustion and isolation is a high price to pay to think (mistakenly) I’m ‘pleasing’ or ‘protecting’ others. It took me a long time to realise that neither have to be an option if you can have an honest conversation. People are more understanding than mental illness lets you believe.

As listeners, as friends, you may not always have the solution or the ability to fully relate – but that’s okay! There are so many services available on campus that are incredibly willing to offer professional support and advice e.g. counselling, student support, supervisors, campus GPs. But what friends do have is time, care and compassion. You hold the ability to reassure each other you can be open and listened to. You also have the capacity to learn what the other may want but won’t ask for, and what they need but didn’t know. Open ear? Cup of tea? It’s the little things too.

Overall, we must push for cultural change in terms of discussing our mental health. Speaking openly and honestly can begin by asking simply, and genuinely, how someone is. As humans, we experience a spectrum of emotions – chances are, you’re probably not just “fine”. It’s okay to say we’re not okay.

Hi, I’m Grace. I’m a final year student studying Psychology at the University of York. This post is the first time I’ve opened up and wrote about my own mental health. After sharing it with my friends, I received lots of love and support and also realised that I'm not alone - hopefully this post can encourage others to do the same!

Opening up about Men's Mental Health: Michael

In order to tackle problems with men's mental health, we need to redefine our expectations and understanding of masculinity.

- Michael

Tell Us about Yourself

Having completed my BA and MA at Durham University, I began a PhD in October studying the relationship between education policy and student mental health. I regularly volunteer both with the Samaritans, and a local suicide prevention, intervention and support charity called If U Care Share Foundation. Student mental health and wellbeing is very important to me and I am running the Edinburgh Marathon in May to fundraise for Student Minds.

Do you think there is a stigma attached to men talking about mental health? Why? 

In my view, the stigma that is attached to men talking about mental health is produced through the language we use. This manifest in both how we talk about men and, consequently, in talking about men’s mental health. In his book How Not to Be a Boy, Robert Webb reflects on the way that social narratives of masculinity condition men into believing that certain thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are abnormal. Webb suggests that men act and interact according to certain socially accepted rules of masculinity. For example, that men do not cry, that men do not discuss feelings, that men get into fights, that men like girls, and that men obsess about sport. Men can find themselves defined and valued by their physical and emotional strength. These rules then tend to place conflict and competition at the centre of male relationships. 

There are ultimately, I believe, two perceived consequences for men talking about mental health. First, men become uncomfortable or unable to discuss feelings together. Men repress ‘unacceptable’ feelings such as sadness, embarrassment or fear and these feelings can become either hidden from view or visible only as anger, arrogance or deflective humour. Secondly, men that do talk about feelings together are stigmatised as un-masculine, inadequate, or even homosexual. Talking about feelings is considered abnormal and weak, and men’s discomfort can result in frustration or humour projected onto those expressing them. 

Ultimately then, I believe that, not only does the narrative of masculinity make it especially difficult for men to talk openly about mental health, it can actually produce poor mental health. It creates certain damaging expectations of men and mentally unhealthy ways of coping with emotional distress (such as silence, violence, alcohol etc.). 

What made you decide to be open about your own mental health?

I hope that in opening up about my own mental health, other men will feel more confident to do the same. It is only by having an honest and open conversation about men’s mental health that we can learn from each other and make positive changes. 

What are the challenges for men talking about their mental health and how can we overcome them? 

To be clear, the social narrative and expectations of masculinity form the biggest challenge for men talking about mental health. Recognising that is the first step. To try and overcome this, I believe we must re-write the rules masculinity; that is, we must use language to re-form society’s expectations of men. One way we can achieve this is by empowering men with safe spaces, like this blogging series, to speak more openly about mental health. In doing this, I believe we can create an environment that supports men experiencing mental health issues.

If you would like to get involved with our Men's Mental Health blogging series, then you can find all of the details here. You can also send us an email at blog@studentminds.org.uk for more details!

Hi, I'm Michael. I'm currently a PhD student at Durham University and wanted to write for Student Minds about my own experiences of depression, anxiety and university life.